Stream of Consciousness (9)
Mirror, mirror on the wall. Have I got it? Mirror, you’ve always told me who I am. I’m finding it’s not easy to be perfect. So sorry, you won’t define me. Sorry, you don’t own me. Who are you to tell me that I’m less than what I should be?
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Perfection, a set of characteristics created by humans to be utterly unattainable and destructive. No sleep, no problem. I’m tired of waiting for a response that is not coming. You may not approve of my life plans but being a teacher is all I’ve ever wanted. I’m extremely boring with alcohol in my system. I’m vastly more interesting sleep-deprived. After all these years, you expect me to come flying back to you? I was here, where were you? You always tell me that you miss me but you never correspond. I don’t miss you, that’s why you don’t hear from me. I’m placing my life in danger on purpose, and not on purpose all at the same time. There is always never enough time. I remember how I wasn’t enough for you to stay. You lying and deceiving me is almost beyond my ability to forgive, of all the people in my life, you were the one I trusted the most. You cause me more heartache than joy. I’m hidden, so well hidden that even I can’t find myself. I refuse to cry in front of you, you do not deserve to see that part of me. Now that you don’t have to work so hard, you’ve become complacent. If this keeps up, you’re really going to lose me. I always forget what your voice sounds like. Chocolate cures everything, strangely enough ice cream also cures everything. You think everyone is mean, you’re the mean one, Mr. Grinch. I’ve sacrificed more than I can give again. Everyone assumes that I have no life plans, what do you all want from me? Even after knowing me for a while, you still have no idea what I like. I notice things that I shouldn’t. Abandoned. You’re always too tired and too busy, I guess that’s how it will always be. I know that I’m not important enough to merit your attention. Sticks and stones, sticks and stones. I want to live a healthy lifestyle. After all these years I still love Super Junior. I wish I could take away all your pain and suffer in your place. You deserve to live a long and prosperous life, with or without me. My life would be so ordinary without you. I would never demand for more than what you can give me, not your time, not your affection and certainly not your love. Sometimes you can be so cruel. Thank you for your support, it means everything to me. The craziness begins with no sleep. I just want to make all of you proud. I give you all of me, will you give me all of you?
